So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
