May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
