Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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