I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
