my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
