I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
