Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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