OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
