Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
