You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she smelled like a LAN party
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
