Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He felt like a one man threesome
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
