I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
