Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
