y did u give ur computer a hand job?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
