I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
