nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
