Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
