This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
