We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
