Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
