Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
