i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
