Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
