I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
