I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
