Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
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The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
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For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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