My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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