If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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