Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
