Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Randomize
