I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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