bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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