omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So many bounce houses so little time
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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