I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
