I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
