we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
