jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
