your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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