Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
im calling her cock vulture from now on
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
