I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
