shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
