Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My breath smells like gin and sadness
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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