her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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