I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
