no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
