i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
