I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
