I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
