morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
COCAINE IS GR8
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
