woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
