i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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