just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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