Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
