i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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