i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
