Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
