Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
