the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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