my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
