but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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