My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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