but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
