She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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