Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
A bitchslap is in order.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
