he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
