I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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