I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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