Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
