U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
