So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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