the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
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I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
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I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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