Swine flu. Run for my life!
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just forgot I was standing up.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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