That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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