Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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