cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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