It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
