He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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