I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
