fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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