just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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