Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
