Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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