God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
