1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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